~Aidenn-Faolan

I realized today that life is good.

That may sound like a bit of an odd thing for me to say, and especially to base a journal update around... seeing as my last legitimate entry hasn't been for about 10 months. A lot of crap has gone down since then, and the majority (and, in my opinion, the worst) has happened within the past two. Things that made me redefine the way I look at people in general, and my friends specifically. Things where, people who I thought I trusted, ended up turning around and made me doubt the value of people in whole, which would have caused me to become a more cynical person than I am (which is a bit of a stretch). But as a result of those things, I finally feel comfortable for the first time in my life. I feel at peace. I'm living in my own place, with a person that I trust. The core group of my friends are people that I know that, if it came down to it, they would put their life on the line for me. They would do anything within their power to make sure that I am taken care of, as long as it doesn't interfere with keeping their family alive. Trustworthy, loyal, dependable people. The drama here is small and easily dealt with. We look out for one another, and that's a feeling I'm still trying to get used to. I never quite realized before that the friends I hung out with on a daily basis before moving up to Illinois, and then again when I moved back down, were not true friends. Sure, some may have history with me. Some may lend me a few dollars when I was hungry, or possibly give me a ride somewhere, as long as I could chip in for gas... but usually, they were friends with conditions. The people I'm with now are... different. They don't expect anything of me, other than that I am myself, and that I use a bit of common sense... but since everyone uses common sense and doesn't get ourselves in bullshit scenarios, that's not a problem.
It's strange trying to adjust to having people you can truly trust around you at all times. You spend so much time, looking at the world and trying to figure out how it's going to collapse around you, that when you finally have the solid foundation beneath you, you take a while to adjust. About a month ago, in one single day, I saw the extent of the people I deal with. I saw how people you thought you can trust would rather send you to jail, and that people who you were simply okay with truly care about you. Doubt and trust, ignorance and wisdom, bad and good judgment, and adamant people and those willing to take a chance. Each of those people have received exactly what they deserved from that day. Each of their lives have changed to reflect the decisions they made.
But enough about that. Things are now peaceful once more. The drama has died down, and life goes on, as it is prone to do. Stef: If you happen to read this, I just want to say that, in spite of anything that went down between us, I genuinely want to thank you. Regardless of whatever happened with us, you always made sure I was taken care of. I realized that specific detail is one of the most important things in the world, and for that, I want to thank you. For anyone else out there reading this, well... you specific people know who you are. For the casual reader, I just want to make sure that you remember to not sweat the small shit, and to make sure that your friends are true.

What inspired all of this, you may ask? Simple. There was a big storm here last night. A good, hard Florida thunderstorm, the first of the season. This morning, when the wind was still blowing hard and the weather was cool, the sky slightly cloudy still, I stepped outside for a Djarum Menthol before crashing for the... well, technically, day.
I stood outside, the wind blowing around me, cold concrete beneath my bare feet, and a bright blue sky, beneath the straggler clouds... and I realized...


I am home.